This post is a response to a thread a male to female transgender made dedicated to a personal rant of how she feels about TV episodes of the shows she watches where characters swap bodies, go through some torcherous life as the other person and somehow learn how to appreciate themselves and their own bodies. But different in that she can never 'return' to the body that is hers, that somehow the lesson never ends and she's forced to be in a body she rejects as hers among other feelings of insecurities, fear for trying to become who she is, fear of other people, fear of success, fear of failure, fear of being killed, fear of opression, and more.
Response begins here.
___________________________________________
Dear ________________, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, at least for the first part of this message I am going to make a personal effort to purposly ignore all the rules of non violent communication and straight up tell you that you're so fucked up in your head that all your insecurities, logic, reasons, confusion, justification, complaints, habits, and all around stupidity are throwing you around in a made up world that doesn't even exist!
Here's a news flash. When it came to changing genders, what took me 4 years of learning, thinking, wishing, hoping, praying, fearing, complaining, distracting, justifying, procrastinating, only took 1 month of doing, and 8 months until I was full time. And honestly when I experienced this in my life the entire statement here and above was slapped in my face so bad that rather than feel bad for how much life sucked, or how great I felt being a woman, I instead was extremely humilliated by my own actions that I could have had all this in a heart beat had I simply just got up and did it. Without trying, without hoping, without praying, without wishing, just like getting a snack you just get up and do it. And not just me, but many individuals I've seen on a TG forum I visit the case has been the same if not more profound than even my personal experience.
But on a more sympathetic understanding level
We can all relate to your experience and your personal need to feel at home in your body, we are all on the same path no matter what direction we're going. But it must be stated up front that everything that is challenging you in your life is all in your thoughts, and your thoughts become habit, and your habits become your life, and your life influences your thoughts which in turn influences your habits and thus influence your life. It is a recyprical feedback system which you are volluntarally abusing yourself with it and you don't even know.
That same feedback system is so powerful it is what defines the rich from the poor, the smart from the dumb, the pretty from the ugly, the men from the women, the passive from the agressive, the productive from the lazy, the most influential people from the most influenced people.
I don't mean to come across as invasive to your needs, but I guarentee you there is alternative behaviors to replace your current ones to meet your same needs, and/or meet your needs even better.
What are you watching?
For one, throw out the TV, and pick what you are truely interested in knowing that it will contribute to your personal development. Instead of CNN, Google Current TV http://www.Current.com has so much better news and a fair bit of it is very positive and it's actually interesting, unique, and benifitial. Picking your own productions on Youtube to watch instead will save you from having to deal with random TV broadcasting, and with Youtube you can actually watch educational materials that are both found on national TV and by other users and it's legitamate, on demand, as needed to improve your current situation and state of mind.
TV is just a plug in drug that really does suck out the life and time of many people, same thing for videogames you might have you should unplug your system and/or narrow your time playing down to almost never. I remember watching TV and playing videogames as much as 20 to 40 hours constantly without stopping in the height of my gender issues, never did a thing for me. And certainly not the episodes where characters switch bodies. To this day I live without viewable TV stations, I have videogames but only play an average of 2 hours a month, I use my playstation more as a DVD player and tend to only watch movies a few times a month on average. For recreation I go to the movies on the weekend that's it.
What music do you listen to?
The lyrics and emotions the song puts into your head is going to be reflected in your habitual nature to favor anything related to such songs and what they stand for. Songs you listen to that spark positive thoughts and interests in things you really believe in are what are going to have a huge influence over your mood and outlook on life. Instead of some anti war song that sounds like it is the theme song to the end of the world try some pro love song that sounds like the world is perfect already. I used to listen to songs like "Sadness and Sorrow" which would always make me cry, "All My Hate" by Korn, "Bodies" by Drowning Pool, "Enemy" by Disturbed, "Just One of Those Days" by Limp Bizkit and more, and while I had some positve songs they were the most dominant by a vast majority. Now it is about 50/50, I still listen to those songs, just not in the quantity as I used to before, and I NEVER listen to them when I feel the emotions they express. Now I listen to mostly vacation tropical music, Bob Marley, Bobby McFerrin, relaxing instrumentals, and songs that make me feel positive and good.
Yesterday I got the song Mr. Lonely stuck in my head just as a random thought, I hadn't listened to that song for over a year, maybe 2, and it was stuck in my head and having the lyrics...
"Lonely
I'm so lonely
I have nobody to call my own"
playing over and over and over and over in my head did nothing to make me feel better about the fact that I live a life without a lover to call my own despite having my best friend as a roomate who also rejects me at every turn. And you know what? Playing that over and over didn't get me any closer to finding somone who loves me in my life.
Who are your peers?
The people in your life have great influence over what you do and don't do in your life, and they will take as much control over your life as you are willing to give to them so that they can direct your life in the direction THEY think it should go. The fact of the matter is, the people you hang out with are going to be reflections of the aspect of life you live. If you hang out with anti transgender peers your personal development will not progress, if you hang out with unsupportive individuals you will feel you don't deserve their support or that there is nothing you can do to be supported by anyone. If you are not around people who are willing to take you out and help you do activities related to your chosen gender you will never habitually experience life as that gender in your eyes. Girls who go to the mall together buy clothing together, and if they're the same size you can bet they're going to willingly share and support what one another wears.
Age 14: Dad forces me to get my hair cut
"Why do you have long hair?"
"You look like a girl with all that hair!"
"What are you gay? Cut your hair!"
"What's with the pink hairtie allen?"
"You know you look like a girl right? You should cut your hair"
"Hey Allen why are you such a queer?"
That's all I got, and even the most simplistic thing I ever wanted, long hair, socially I was never allowed to have my long hair so I was physically forced and socially forced to cut my hair on two seperate occasions at 14 and 17. When I cut it, it all stopped but I felt horrible without much hair. I never had the guts to even try living as a girl in that environment from scratch because I know what it would have entailed for me, so what I did is rid myself of all those peer influences by moving away at all costs, even if it meant being homeless so I could develop myself into the woman I am, and when I returned back to that place, every positive peer I had was infinitely impressed by my actions and the results of what I have become, and those who weren't had everything they ever said scarffed down their throats. And I got a lot more to scarf down there for when I return again as a public educational speaker for schools. But it's okay, I'm sure their ego is large enough to hold it all.
Nowdays I personally make sure that the only peers that influence my life are peers I want to have their influence over my life. It seems low and unethical to ditch honest good people but think about it... would you learn from a teacher who sucked at teaching? especially if it's a subject you don't want to learn about? Would you work for a dead beat boss at a job you hate for minimum wage? Would you hire a therapist or life coach who told you you're always wrong, who restricts you from doing what makes you happy, who puts you on pills and says you're sick? Then why hang out with anyone who in turn says your sick?
who won't work with you? who won't teach you the things you need to know? why not hang out with individuals who WILL be supportive and encouraging? If you think they don't exist you're pessimistic outlook on like isn't doing you any favors either, might as well drop the pessimism while you're at it. The same reasons why people can't find love in their town is the same reason TG individuals can't find support in their town, they simply never try and stop themselves at every thought from ever trying saying it's hopeless. Whether that town is 1,000, 10,000, 100,000, 1,000,000, 10,000,000 it doesn't matter. On ratio to probability factor yes it does matter, but you have to FIND the people in your life who will contribute to that better life.
I honestly did give up on my hometown of 3,300 people in Schuyler county (7,189 people) and traded it for Los Angeles county of California of 9,878,554 people while the math is much greater, I still only have very few positive peer supportive people in my life, just as many as I now have in Illinois, but now I have individuals so valueable in my life I'll give up everything but my gender to have them near by. These people included my best friend(s), unofficially adopted family members who have taken on a role of my family, as well as a life coach and another person I see as a role model and teacher, as well as my newly expanding network of individuals online which has greatly increased far beyond what it once was across social networking, business networking, professional development, education and more.
Note: While not all of these things are the single most influential aspect of our daily life, there is a huge cumulative effect that is what is present, just like toxins in foods you won't be poisoned to death with one bite, but over 20 years good luck doing sit ups.
The fact of the matter is we all love surprises, but surprises we don't like we call problems, and we fail to see that problems are not actually problems, they are really challenges which is why they plague us. We fail to look at them as a challenge and systematically plan out and take detailed action to take on that challenge and accomplish it. Solving problems, eh that's okay, but a challenge... that's something empowering to have, and they exist for the reasons to help us expand beyond our current limitations.
I have the tools and resources as well as personal experience in my own life to make these happen, if you're up for the challenge rather than the problem to find a solution and systematically take detailed steps to solving undesired situations then I can provide those resources to you via my Success Folder. And I always work with individuals to help them find solutions to the challenges they face and give them the encourgement and resources and knowledge to take it on.
But it really comes down whether or not you're going to complain about a problem of not being in the right body or take on the challenge ofhow to make your body THE right body for you, and only you to have.
Being alive isn't about you Vs the world, it's about you Vs yourself... and you're obviously losing. You have needs that need to be met, yet so much of your thoughts, your internal influences, as well as external influences you give control up to are what are holding you back.
You are the only one who has 100% control over yourself, what you do with that control is up to you.
You are the one with the control over yourself to choose what you embrase.
Nobody can force religion upon you,
Nobody can force nationality upon you,
Nobody can force your career upon you,
Nobody can force music upon you,
Nobody can force shows upon you,
Nobody can force weight upon you,
Nobody can force smoking upon you,
Nobody can force gender upon you,
Nobody can force anything upon you.
What you embrace upon your life is what you are 100% willing to by choice accept as adiquate for your life.
~ Remrie Arrie
No comments:
Post a Comment