My List of Whys

My list of Whys (Why it is I want to do what dream of and/or do)

- What gets you REALLY excited?
Experiencing every extreme of the world in a active, not passive, way. And always doing something new and pushing the envelope of what I have done before. In this moment I am happy no matter what.

This pushing the limits of my body through martial arts, thrill seeking, sky diving, base jumping, gliding, racing, climbing, anything I can do to get on the edge. If I can sink my teeth into it I want to GO!

- How many hours a week do you work?
Inconsistent, depends on what you call work and why that work is done. As a student, school is the closest example where I would spend upwards of 50 hours per week for months on end on average from 7am – 4pm every day of the week including holidays (Xmas, thanksgiving) and natural disasters. (Yes it’s legal and there is a good reason why the school is like that.)

- What do you LOVE about your job?
What I love about my job(s) is that they are always relevant to my interests. I don’t have one at the moment but either through immediate or delayed gratification in some way shape or form they contribute to what I take interest in. I don’t care about money.

These jobs are generally animal related, but I might take up stunt work as well and teaching/education/mentoring/coaching independently. The more free form what I do is, the more I love it.

- What do you HATE about your job?
Except for one job I’ve never HATED something about a particular job. That one job was mainly due to the political/social system that made up the relationships between employees and I was one of them, it wasn’t working out in our best interests due to select individuals.

- What do you do with your free time?
What I used to do up until 8/20/07: Play videogames, watch TV, chat on internet discussion boards, procrastinate, waste money on novelty items, shun and hide away from people, worry about the present, wish things were better, -hoped- something happened for me, and feared being independent and proactive.

What I do now since 8/20/07: Spend much of my time focused on personal development, mental development, emotional development, ethic/moral development, financial development and more. Contributing to the success of other people to help them get out of places like I was. Gather and collect resources to freely distribute to others so they can succeed in the same way I have/will-continue if they have the motivation. Keep my mind stimulated and focused on doing new things and progressing myself as far as humanly possible in my situation under my circumstances.






- If you had two months vacation and all the money you wanted what would you do?
Experiment to see what could be done in terms of what I believe should be done with my life for others rather than novelty desires. Of course it varies depending on circumstances, situations, and what my ‘work’ is in the present. If what I was doing was related to my current goals I’d take my break and do them more in depth personally on a more involved scale. For instance if I was the president of Petco/PetSmart I’d spend the 2 months washing dogs for fun.

If the situation didn’t fit that possibility I’d likely spend 1 month in two different locations of my choice to learn about that aspect of the world and what it has to offer, who the people and cultures are, etc.

If either of those didn’t suffice I’d learn sky diving, do it the entire two months several days per week and learn different ways with wing suits, etc and pick up base jumping and wing suit base jumping in the Norwegian cliffs etc in the 2nd month if time permits.
http://tinyurl.com/fly-into-infinity

Or get down to work on my own projects and hire all the professionals I can to educate me and show me what to do/how to do it; i.e. real estate investing, stock/option trading, building sustainable (not profit driven) businesses, etc.

And more.

- How do you like the people you work with?
Generally in most instances I don’t have a direct problem with any one individual I work with. The more I can feed off of them the better because then their actions, words, and mere presence is enough to spark my imagination and motivation and drive. If I have problems with people I work with I quickly do what I can to come to a solution with minimal conflict even if at my own costs. Such my last job I quit because couldn’t work in the social environment with the other girls because one or more of them just raised so much hell it was impossible to deal with. I wasn’t making progress I wanted, it wasn’t sustainable, terms and conditions were undesireable, when gas was $4.00+ it sure as hell wasn’t worth the 40 mile round trip (50 minute drive each way) when I enjoyed reading “Think and Grow Rich” by Napoleon Hill on the job more than working there.

In retrospect if I ever build companies and see a employee reading such a book voluntarily on the job there is no way I can’t give them the opportunity to apply it and themselves in a way to give them the success and potential they deserve when other people their age are partying, working dead end jobs, paying student loans, etc.

- What problem scares you to death that more money could solve?
Being alone, no affection, no attention, no touch.
Everyone comes and goes in less than a year and nobody sticks around with me consistently. With that not achieving my goals/dreams and not being able to be a role model to others. Without a sense self worth the money is useless anyways, it only makes it easier to do the things that will give me more self worth.



- What do you just absolutely HATE about your life that more money could solve?
Not having a feminine/female body. Being transgender, I have to spend $3,000 per year on my hormones and even with insurance would have to pay for both genital surgery and breast implants because any/little breast tissue I do have is next to non existent.

Being forced to depend on working for income, if I had enough money to put into secure investments such as real estate to grow my income through sustainable means I would, only would any leftovers be re-invested and/or used for something else. I only make $2,400 per year (note the hormones I need just to be female are $3,000 per year)

Having the fear in the back of my mind that if something happens to me there is no way to pay or cover it. I’ve never lived a day of my life with any form of insurance and I’m 22.

And personally I hate depending on my father because he does too much for me.

- If you had all the money you needed, what huge problem would go away?
All my main personal/immediate concerns would all be solved virtually instantaneously. I would solve the more important things to me first before ever wasting anything on novelty stuff. Also if I had such theoretical ample amounts of money I could get started on Interactive Dreams www.InteractiveDreams.org and anything related to it or create the infrastructure needed to sustain it all without the worry that if I make a mistake I’ll be a million dollars in debt.

- If you had all the time in the world to do anything you wanted, what would you do?
Theoretically speaking, with the time and resources I’d do what I could to improve the fundamental standards of living development that we all need (Education, support, trust, mentors, programs, assistance, encouragement, resources, etc). If it were possible to never die I’d probably do that exact thing in some way shape or form for all eternity; because if life is worth living then it’s not worth dying.

- Other than money, what are you looking for?
I’m not even looking for money in all honesty I hate it and personally resent it for various reasons. What I want are resources and individuals to work with who can and will do more to make things happen that I can really sink my teeth into and have the motivation to work with them. Many people are at or below the same step I am and are hard to idolize, the people better than me tend to be more difficult to find and/or connect with and get REAL help from, generally just opinions or ideas without really getting involved. The one real estate coach I had was awesome for this for the 3 months we were together but I got transferred over to phase two of the coaching program working with 50 other coaches on the ‘resource line’ and it feels like I’m calling flipping tech support for real estate.

Because I sometimes tend to be smarter than computer and/or other tech support and end up correcting them and/or telling them what to do it makes it hard for me to feel impressed and motivated to work with such a ‘resource line’ when it’s inconvenient, inconsistent, little/no relationships, etc.

If I can sink my teeth into a solid plan of action from there I’ll commit to it until each stage is finished no matter what. That’s why I did so well in phase 1 of real estate coaching, but phase two I can’t sink my teeth into because it’s the exact same stuff I’ve been doing on my own for a year before then… Learning on my own, at my own pace, alone and lonely.

- What does your family mean to you?
Nothing.
I drove 2,000 miles from central Illinois to Los Angeles for two reasons, to get my life back on track and to get away from my family forever even at the cost of being homeless living in my truck.

My dad is the only blood relative I care about personally, only 2 other people out of a fairly large family are considered ‘decent’ in my personal opinion.

Here in California however I have made friends with new people so much that I have actually been hypothetically adopted into their family as another child despite being 21 at the time and 2 years older than their oldest child who I was friends with even though I am transgender. Even when by mistake out of my attempt to take care of my friend (their daughter) I royally pissed off both parents. And I was pretty much mortified when it happened and things were the same way for a month with them as it was for me and my entire family for my entire life.

My unofficial family though, means a lot to me, next to everything they probably make up at least 1/3 of my entire foundation of life and without any one of those thirds the others can’t sustain. That’s why I try so hard to do so much for others because I’m always scared I might lose that foundation.

- What do you want for your own personal growth?
I want to reach a point where people can really look up to me for help, honesty, and support, much of all the reasons why that make Oprah so beloved by so many people. Not for the purpose that I will be loved, but to know that I am of use to them and make all the difference in their life. And hopefully inspire them to be as such on their own individual level for others.

- What do you want to accomplish in your lifetime?
It might be simpler just to say I want to save the world.
I want to build up Interactive Dreams into a fully sustainable company not profit driven that always has ample amounts of cash reserves to provide exceptional job care for it’s employees above and beyond all others and develop programs and resources needed for the public and individuals both personally and professionally to help them better achieve their needs and goals. But unlike programs that charge thousands upfront, I would want such services to be as cost effective as possible up front, if not free and only bill them if they achieve their success. Because if people spend half their savings on making their dreams come true just to fail and have half of their entire resources then that company did not fulfill their moral obligation to those people.

And I want it to be started and heavily focused in areas of fundamental development for youth both in normal schools, but more so in the special education ‘alternative’ schools for students with ‘special needs’ such as the one I came from. My school in particular of 50 students (grades 7-12), two hallways 7 classrooms out of all the people at the school I knew many dropped out, 1 ended up back in prison, I myself was arrested 4 times in my freshman year and sent to juvenile hall, and 3 students had committed suicide . Yet I know 100% without a doubt all those kids have more potential in them than any person, but nobody gives them the credit, the support, the resources, the information, the freedom, the flexibility, the care, nothing.

- What scares you to death?
Being forced to live as a male; I was a guy for the first 20 years of my life fortunately it’s not something I have to worry about but if I lose all my income and money there will be no way to pay for my hormones.

Losing my greatest friend ever who is also my roommate, coworker, and hopefully future lover; I never want to leave her side, I almost lost her and never knew it. To know I can’t hug her when I need one would devastate me. I’ve been friends with her for 2 years now and even though we aren’t lovers and don’t really have any set plans, theoretically we don’t plan on ever leaving each other’s side in any venture we choose.

Being alone

Losing my hair or having it chopped off (stupid yes but it has provided me with more comfort than any family member I had, and I’ve lost it on 2 occasion)

Coffee, refried beans, mint, and white pepper.

- What would it mean to you to help others change their lives?
It would mean everything in the world to me to know that I’ve not only acted as the catalyst for a positive change in their life, but also to get them to also spark such change in others they have influence over for the better like I helped them. That’s the entire purpose of Interactive Dreams (Interactive Education, and Interactive Environment)

Even now despite not having reached my own defined level of minimal success (having all of my basic needs met estimated at $50k annual,) I have provides so much service to others that has meant so much to them that they have honestly told me that they could never repay me for all the kindness and help I’ve given them. That is because of my own life statement “The only reason I am the way I am is to be better than anyone has ever been to me” meaning that if someone is mean to me I am nice to them, if they are nice to me I am nicer to them the nicer and more helpful someone is to me, the nicer and more helpful I’ll be to them.

- What really excites you in life?
http://tinyurl.com/fly-into-infinity
http://tinyurl.com/fast-hyabusa
http://tinyurl.com/karatevoodoo
http://tinyurl.com/Xbox-Commercial
http://tinyurl.com/Vujicic

Novelty things are great, I’m all for swimming in key west, learning water sports, relaxing on islands, in woods, near rivers and streams and ponds and creaks… Simply put I like being alive, and to do something as great as anything in those videos linked in blue above are things that make you feel like you have no limits. Besides if you have literally jumped off a cliff and lived your dream of flying without an airplane that gives you that much more creativity and experience to use in how you live and teach others.


- What really makes you angry about life?
Being subject to, and watching others being subject to the inconsistency and lack of basic fundamentals in extremely important developmental systems that are supposed to exist for the purpose of individual development.

It seems the people taking the greatest strides are the people with the smallest client base when it comes to education, training, coaching, mentoring, assisting, motivating, developing, etc. Exceptional individuals seem to be the only ones creating solid programs that are designed and actually functional and practical in developing basic human needs.

My dad, greatest man in my life raised two kids by himself and went to college to get a PhD in a major university, the university had a change of management/policies during his time there after he had completed his final thesis and other things and it was not accepted by the university under the terms that it had to fit the NEW interests of the administration. So rather than collect the PhD he worked so hard for he settled for a double Masters degree, a masters in two different fields and went on to try to become a teacher. The only school that would hire him was 1,500 miles away in Arizona when I was 10 and me and my sister hated it there so he willingly quit his job, but for the next 5+ years he was unable to get a full time teaching job anywhere at any grade level despite being qualified to teach 16 different subjects most at college level. At best he was only a substitute teacher. No school hired him because he was ‘too expensive’ and the schools had stupid ‘bean counter’ accountants on the school business team who would suggest that they didn’t hire my dad or people like him because of the costs involved. In the end the accountants made alternative decisions that looked liked more economical choices but end up costing more in the long run and HUGELY demeaning the quality of education.

What’s my dad doing now? He’s truck driving, and it’s paying more than teaching does. Go figure.

I myself have been subject to being victimized by such a failing school system that failed to meet a single developmental need in my life. Typing, reading, finances, investing, motivation, life, etc all that I’ve taught myself. In the past 1.5 years of my life since August 20 2007 I have taught myself more valuable information than middle and high-school combined. That’s 7 years of education. Ways I’ve been victimized by such a failed system is that when I’ve expressed the ‘symptoms’ of a problem they were always punished and no attention was ever brought to wondering “Why is Rem behaving this way? What can we do to better meet her needs? What are our faults in the matter? What can we do better? Etc” Instead I was punished, actually arrested 4 times my freshman year and sent to juvenile hall. I distinctly remember being handcuffed sitting in a chair with a lady yelling at me with two cops at her as security she was threatening to take me away from my home.

Ironically the year before I had come to LOVE my school almost to no end with a passion, it was the first time I was happy since age 10 and it’s been 3.5 or 4 years at this point. And I made the declaration to more than one teacher “I won’t get in trouble for a single thing next year, I plan on doing the best I can.” Now I’m personally not a expert at picking out the obvious but if I knew of a kid who was that happy, that energetic, that motivated to be ‘the best student they could possibly be’ and the next year they get arrested 4 times in school and dragged out by the cops and suspended for the last 30 days of that school semester obviously something went terribly wrong. And I guarantee that it never has anything to do with the student. It is never the student’s fault. The byproduct of that event was I became quite, reserved, shut down, and was afraid to ever express anything in any way shape or form for several years. And that doesn’t even include all the times I was physically restrained on the floor by at least three large male teachers and at this point in my life I was still small for my size.

And you know what? In the fallowing 4 years of my life I would be subject to witnessing other students getting the exact same treatment.

That’s why I want to go back to that school and make sure nothing ever happens to any of those kids ever again, because under no circumstances does a person ever deserve to be treated as such.

The average criminal also fall under that category too, where do you think most of them come from? In my experience in the animal industry I have come to a rather profound realization that despite the existence of animal extremist groups like PETA and ALF trying to shut down and/or destroy/bomb/terrorize animal facilities in the name of animal cruelty. From a unbiased prospective and personal experience I have come to realize that we treat animals in zoos better than humans in any facility.

When a animal bites or kills someone or a keeper/trainer, it’s always the person’s fault, never the animals, the facility recognizes that and responds appropriately. When a animal isn’t performing a desired behavior/trick (human equivalent of working/studying/sports/arts) it’s the trainer’s fault for not getting the message across. I guarantee you no animal understands English so you have to express humility and control to know you can’t smack them to compensate for your own faults.

And being transgender I get upset about gender inequalities for males but I won’t even go there.

- What would you like to give the people you love the most?
Security – I would like to give the people I love security in knowing what they can do without worry of what MIGHT happen. Right now I have my best friend and coworker as my roommate, I am letting her live here and helping her find a job and have been for several months and have gone through various plans and ideas and am now working on more independent stuff since nobody is hiring. I am giving her providing her security in her life despite her not having a job to pay rent or for her own food at the off chance she becomes sustainable and independent from her family where she was trapped and ‘helpless’ for most/all her life until I came along.

To provide anyone such security to have them know and believe it when I hug them and say “No worries, everything is okay” is what gives me some of the most powerful feelings I ever experience; and their gratification for my help.

- What really, really gets you emotional?
Insecurities about not being female enough (no breasts, no vagina, unwanted penis). When a group of people collect around me and honestly express their love for me with nothing more than hugs and words of kindness. A sense of feeling wanted/desired by others. Death of the loved. Feeling like I’m a parent of a baby/child. Social gender equality frustrations, fear of being alone, fear of being rejected by others on a personal level (not sales/business), insecurities about my voice (20 years of testosterone kind of screws it up). Physical touch.