A Note to Women

A Note to Women
~ Remrie Arrie 2009

Note: I am a American so this information is variable and/or not relevant/accurate to other nations, but will likely hold pretty accurate to most western cultures. (U.S, Canada, Australia, etc)

Despite having lived as female for only about 1.5 years so far, having spent the first 20 years of my life as a guy having studied social gender, stereotypes, trends, history and several other things in my mid to late teens I would like to offer a word of encouragement, give you some tips, provide a unique prospective, and hopefully you’ll walk away with at least one thing new you’ve learned.


From my Own Prospective
When growing up as a guy I was taught that some how in some way I was more ‘privileged’ than others, especially as a white male; that somehow like some prince to a throne I was guaranteed to have more success and opportunities than women, other ethnicities. But what I observed in my feelings, in how I was treated by others, by what was expected of me, all I knew though is that I was miserable; both in being transgender having not been born female, and by being subject to the social expectations and stereotypes of a male.

When I went into the history of the genders through society I observed trends, changes in thinking, behavior, commonalities and more. I learned all this stuff on my own free time between 16 & 19 because I wanted to know how gender applied to me and what was expected of me and why on a individual, social, professional, and mental level.

And in doing so I observed one thing, the idea that men somehow have it better than women is not supported in any way in the modern era; total hypocrisy. But it goes without saying just like everyone else there are prejudice guys too just like there are prejudice women.

Feminist communities ranted and raved about how bad girls had it Vs boys, but in my life and through the lives of every other guy I’ve known I could see that on a large scale the grass wasn’t just seemingly greener on the other side of the fence, it really was greener. Now that I have been living as female full time for nearly 1 year now it goes without saying that I am amazed at just how much more green it is than I ever imagined it was.

From my own personal experience I can honestly say as a woman and/or as a transgender I have not been subject to any sexism, discrimination, or hate. But as a man I experienced it on a weekly basis on many levels, not just through the media, but in real life, personally sexist discriminatory hateful behavior against me.

On a Historical Level
Now I’m not a history major, but it doesn’t take a scholar to see that yes. At one time men did have it better, particularly the white men. Virtually all of the world leaders, virtually all of the richest people in the world, virtually all of the most free individuals. And to this day on a dominant level that is still true for a long list of reasons. But discrimination against females certainly isn’t a major factor anymore. In fact ever since the feminist movement first started they’ve not come to a point where they have seriously run out of points of focus in saying women have it worst than men. They’re pretty much down to nit picking. And I guarantee you with current trends if it sustained for a few hundred years you’d likely see nearly equal female to males in power in political and executive seats, maybe even more.

But I’m not writing this just to defend the power of men Vs women, my focus is that in the modern era of the information age women cannot discriminate against themselves on account they feel the world is against them as a woman. Details will be explained further below but the key point is that you as a woman now have more power than ever to achieve anything and everything you want, what defines whether you get it or not is YOU. And you actually may have a few political and social systems in place you might not even know about that are helping you more than men.
On a social level
On a individual, social, and professional level it goes without saying as a woman in the modern era you have –more– freedoms than a man has. I speak from experience and all the news reports of boys in schools getting sent home for wearing a skirt in school while women wear skirts and pants, and male abuse depicted in the media, music, movies, commercials, etc. And the fact that many companies are actually forced to hire/promote women over men on the grounds that if they don’t they might – appear – to be sexist. I’ve seen lots of stories of men more qualified of a job being denied a promotion openly by their boss on the grounds that the company ‘needs’ to promote/hire a woman just for the sake of not seeming sexist.

In growing up I see more sexism against female by other girls on all levels more than any man does, particularly in the young/mid and often in late teens girls are so abusive to each other it’s no wonder they feel like they’re being oppressed. But beyond 20 the reality of things change greatly, often times individuals aren’t even aware of it, they only focus on things not going right for them and they wonder why, but they never wonder why when something goes right, they just accept it.

On a personal level if something went right for me and I wondered why only to learn I was hired because the company needed to hire me over a guy more qualified and experienced to do it I would actually feel bad enough to give up my position to that guy.

On an educational level, this one in particular is where feminist organizations that claim that girls are some how not given equal treatment are running out of topics of influence and are forced to nit-pick and be vague on meanings and definitions. In one case in a link sited below by a woman named Judith she points out even the research conducted by these groups sometimes vanishes into thin air and/or are tightly guarded to ensure it doesn’t get used in any way they feel might question the validity of their ‘research’ even though on most levels at a college level there are statistically more females enrolled than males faring just as good if not better in all but a select few fields and only in areas where out of the whole U.S population the difference might be 2,000 males Vs 400 females in something almost nobody pursues anyways.

http://www.judithkleinfeld.com/ar_studentperformance.html
(I read the entire thing and found it rather interesting personally)

All the while completely ignoring the fact that in many black only schools the student body can be as much as 2/3 female and if bad enough the males who are enrolled end up dropping out due to the social that comes with being in these sorts of environments. Thus leaving the entire graduating class even more female dominated than male
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29933480

When I was still a guy, I enrolled into a college program in exotic animal care and training, and out of the entire student body of 100 students in the program there were only 10 guys Vs 90 females. If you include the fact that I am transgender and still living as a guy that was not a particularly appealing environment for me especially, so much so that it actually lead to my failure from the program. And I promises you there was not favoritism for males or females on any educational or professional level and the guys certainly didn’t hold any authority.

On a Media Level
On a media level how much are women oppressed? Because the media is also dramatized it is going to be excessive in it’s details whether in music, videos, and ads that depict women as sex objects and only good for beauty and such, but honestly how bad is that? Shows you’re desired by others and have something to be proud of physically. The stuff I tend to see are ads that emphasize lack of male freedom of expression, promoting physical and psychological abuse, stupidity and that the only thing they care about are women’s bodies.

I’ll tell every girl straight up testosterone can be quite a mind control device that causes you to do things you naturally wouldn’t do otherwise. Combine that with emotional and personal problems and it’s a recipe for disaster.

To a degree I am bias I’ll say that, but the extremes of both sides exist on a massive level in the media due to the ‘entertainment’ factor of companies that need to catch the eyes of their audience/market. A song by Carie Underwood called ‘Before He Cheats’ promoting excessive vandalism of a guys material goods just because of the – thought – of him cheating on her without proof is by no means anymore acceptable than some rap song about how women are only good for sex. Neither do anyone any justice that’s for sure.

We would all do better if we just through out our TVs and listened to Reggae music.
Don’t let the media influence your decisions and way of thinking. As many call it the ‘plug in drug’ you should be advised to not watch it excessively. Yet the average home people watch 40 to 50 hours of TV, just as much as they work. It doesn’t do anything for your time that’s for sure, especially if you’re left feeling insecure and bad about the world because of the news.

On a Reality Level
It goes without saying, in reality it doesn’t matter who is superior, and perfect gender equality is impossible to achieve, but also we must be more responsible on a individual level not to fall into the victimized or dominance mind frame that you or others are greater than or lesser than you or other individuals. To express bitterness and favoritism for one thing over the other creates the bias that fuels hate and distrust; and without becoming too anal we do have to realize that yes those commercials as noted above are funny, they’re well made and being able to laugh at ourselves and others is a basic human behavior; and so is being self conscious and in turn feeling hurt.

But we have to be able to take what we dish out and on the male level there needs to be a strong sense of honesty, integrity, character, loyalty, flexibility, cooperative, supportive, and encouraging behaviors in both ourselves and in those around us. If you can master your heart for better or worst, you can master your brain and life with ease for better or for worst. If you master your heart, brain and life for the better of yourself and those around you, your power of influence over yourself and others will become substantially greater. And if you do so you have the responsibility to benefit positive peers around you and be a positive peer for others. Let’s face it; women make awesome heroes both in real life and in fiction. You own it to yourself, and you owe it to others, if not for anybody you know personally then at the very least you owe it to me to be the positive influence for others that I do my best to be for you and others.

The excuses of the Industrial Age are no longer valid, in fact much of the Industrial Age format is now obsolete beyond the fundamental levels now that we’re in the Information Age where anything and anyone goes where they want and how they want. I’m transgender, I likely have less rights than mostly anyone else. Lord forbid I’m arrested and treated as a guy and forced to live in the male cells despite the fact that I look completely female. But I’m not complaining, I’m doing my part and taking advantage of the resources of the internet to increase my personal abilities on all levels to achieve infinite success despite any ‘discrimination’ I – might – experience in the future but have yet to.

The fact of the matter is you create your own luck, the peers in your life are people you chose to have in your life, the place you work is where you chose to be, the habits you exhibit you created yourself, and more. If you are to change your life you have to change everything about you and your life to best reflect what you want in life.

Model Behavior that you get From Others
“Be the change you want to see” as Gandhi puts it or “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” If you want help from others be of help to others. Do not expect others to blindly come to your aid; luck only goes so far on its own. But you can create your own luck by creating luck for others; their luck in turns comes back to you.

The best way to learn is to teach others what you have learned. Even by simple newsletters, articles such as these and announcements, even if nobody reads a thing I type by physically putting it back out there into the universe I am reinforcing it within myself. And as more and more people benefit from what I do, I will in turn benefit from what they do. Word of mouth is powerful and travels fast. Good things can come out of their mouth or bad things. The problem with criminal behavior is there’s so much bad stuff traveling around word of mouth everyone has to keep their mouth shut, oppress others, and fear anything getting out to cops.

To best spark the growth and development in your life you have to first change your environment by putting yourself in the environment that best supports what you want to do. If you want to be a life guard on the beaches of the Florida Keys you better move out of the Rocky Mountains and/or get that education you need and work experience.

If you want to graduate school you better be hanging out with people who are actually in school. And it helps to move close to one.

If you want more opportunities you have to either get creative with what is available to you or if you feel there is not enough then move to a location where you have a better chance of hitting it big.

If you want to be a teacher you have to first learn the subject then start teaching others even before you go to school to do so. Being a teacher is about taking action, not having a degree and working in a school. We all teach each other every day every time we interact at all times of the day.

If you want anything in life you have to stop doing what isn’t helping you, and start doing what you know will, and you have to help others in a way that will also help you, even if it doesn’t seem to have an immediate benefit. For instance I am creating the Success Folder without any guarantee that anyone will benefit from anything from it, but the simple act of creating this resource creates one more thing out there to help people, and by physically typing out all this information myself I am reinforcing what I have learned and what I believe in.

Realize that success doesn’t come at a cost, and that other things don’t come at the cost of success. For example from “Rich Dad Poor Dad” by Robert Kiyosaki

Poor Dad: “The reason I am not rich is because I have you kids”
(Whether by meaning he prefers to have his kids than to be rich or that his kids are the reason he cannot be rich he is accepting the idea that one has to be sacrificed for the other)

Rich Dad: “The reason I MUST be rich is because I have you kids”
(For the reason that he has a responsibility he feels he has the moral obligation to ensure their future by having the cake and eating it too in order to feed his kids and secure all of their futures)

Success only comes with three requirements:
1. You must take action. You only have today, you’ve never seen tomorrow, and yesterday is forever gone. You either start now today, or later on today even if you’re turning 80 years old today.
2. You must help others if you are to be helped by others. And you can’t do it without help
3. You must exhibit positive affirmations in the present tense (I -am-, I -do-, I -see-, I -now-, I -know-). Past tense do not work that is why people who always say ‘I will’ seldom ever do while people who say “I’m already working on it” are already making progress while the other is due to make progress subject to what they feel is appropriate timing (To get out of school, for the weather to improve, to move, to change jobs, etc.) Using positive visual reminders helps to reinforce the affirmations you use, helps keep your conscious and subconscious mind focused on your goals. My entire apartment and computer is covered in motivational posters and pictures cut out of vacation magazines of where I am going to live and when and what I am going to be doing much of which I already am doing.


Get to where you want to be by taking action, help others along the way, and use positive affirmation by knowing, understanding, and believing that ‘Anything the mind can conceive and believe it can (and will) achieve.’

The world isn't either a man’s world or a woman’s world, anyone who believes that is a caveman who has some evolving to do, this is a world of individuals who cooperatively work together to support each other's existence knowing you cannot have one without the other so you might as well work to make each other successful to ensure success.

Seek Help
When it comes to seeking help, for women it’s generally much easier than men, both the social and personal support is there as well as the public/government resources and programs. When it comes to seeking help though it might not always be so easy, particularly for what you’re asking. But as a man or as a woman we all have to seek help, and we also have to give help. I promise the more you help others, the more you will be helped by others when you need them.

If I end up homeless I know the first person I’m going to find, the homeless guy I give all my recyclables to so that he can live a little bit better life. 10 years down the road if I’m penniless and need a friend to take care of me and help me get back on my feet I know exactly who to go to, my best friend, coworker, roommate, professional partner, and who I hope to be my future lover. Because I have taken a lot of my personal time, resources, and care to get her sustainable in life as well. And if my Success Folder helps out a mass number of individuals in their lives, should I get punished in courts I can imagine I’d have a lot of supporters whether or not I expect any at all. And should anyone become super rich from this information, should I need a business partner and they recognize my name it’s safe to assume they will be far from willing to say no.

The fact of the matter though is that it is hard to express the humility needed to take down our pride and say “I need your help, can you help me?” Everyone is afraid of asking for help, but this is something that is especially challenging for men and it needs to be overcome. If your lost without a GPS or road map pull over and ask for help, you need to do the same thing down the road of life. Back seat drivers don’t help either, drop their butts off and keep going before they get you lost even more.

And like with any international trip or expedition you need a guide to help you out through life in where you want to go. In business, education, spirituality, society, and your personal life, you cannot reach your full potential without asking help. It does take humility to seek it, but every man I’ve seen who’ve sought help has had more pride in themselves as an individual than any other I’ve ever seen. The men who don’t are still locked in a childish mentality that they were taught growing up to do it themselves, to be ‘the man’, D.I.Y do-it-yourself, etc.

Seek help, ask for direction, ask for other people’s input, ask for their sincerity, ask for coaches, ask for special attention. Go as far as you need to go to have your needs met. 2 nights ago before writing this I had to fight with myself to summon up the strength to ask for my best friend to pet me as I laid beside her sad and depressed. After about a few minutes I managed to just do it and she was willing to do something so simple yet would be humiliating for most people on many levels, yet it was infinitely beneficial in pulling me out of my mood.

Just an F.Y.I, asking for help takes practice. You want a challenge? Ask people to help you change genders, ask people to accept you as a girl. That’s a challenge. But it all comes in steps so don’t worry. Start with asking for simple things and work your way up gradually over time.